It's not that I'm thinking about, you know, the deed.
It's the whole topic.
But the thing is, I feel like we've only just scratched the surface.
Here are just a few things we have NOT talked about:
- Sex and the single person.
- Celibacy.
- Contraception.
- Family Planning.
- Divorce.
- Widowers.
- Sexual abuse and recovery.
- Sexual addiction.
- Porn (we really just scratched the surface here).
- What is biblically permissible in marriage.
- What is not permissible.
- Sex and our children.
That last one had me thinking this morning on my run. For several years now, as the father of 3, I have had confidence that Robin and I are modeling a healthy marriage and family life for / with our children. They are being protected from too much sexuality because of the rules we have set for out home.
On the flip side, I believe that Robin and I have modeled an appropriately healthy sexual relationship for a husband and wife.
Maybe too healthy. Yesterday I said to Robin, by talking with Justin, "Your mom is HOT!"
Then he looked at Robin and said (I'm not making this up), "Mom isn't hot, she's BURNING!"
Wow. The boy's got skillz at age 5.
Anyways, my point is this- the time is now upon our family to have direct conversations with our children about sex.
But Robin and I have made a decision. We are not going to have "the talk."
People always joke about getting "the talk." It can be traumatizing.
Instead, we are prayerfully working on creating a home where we always talk the talk.
It's not like Robin I have all our questions answered.
It's an ongoing conversation for us.
And so it will be an ongoing conversation with our children.
Step by step, stage by stage, an open conversation about the gift of sex and sexuality.
And throughout that conversation I have a few guiding principles:
First, Jesus loves them more than anyone else. Next to Jesus, no one loves them more than dad and mom. But later in life, they will find someone. My girls will have someone love them the way I love Robin. Someone will love Justin the way Robin loves me. It will be a difficult but beautiful thing.
Second, they will be showered with appropriate physical affection. We are a hugging, kissing, snuggling, wrestling, affectionate, loving family. My girls will not have to go out looking for male affirmation. And as for Justin, I pray, literally, he'll be unashamed to kiss his dad for many more years.
Third, dad and mom will be a part of their developmental journey, both physically and relationally. We will talk with them openly about the physical changes they are going through. Then, as they seek to develop relationships and friendships, we will do so as a family. A lot more can be said about that, but it will suffice to say, in our home,
Daddy is going to be very protective of his girls.
Daddy is going to be very protective of his boy. Yes, he needs to be protected too.
Fourth, and perhaps I'll end here, we are going to expect BIBLICAL MORAL STANDARDS. We will continue to teach them what the bible teaches and why we believe it is simply the best way to live. They will know very clearly what God expects of them and what we expect of them.
We will teach them what they can expect from others.
We will teach them what good relationships look like, and what destructive and sinful relationships look like.
And should they every stray from our teaching and make decisions we do not like or approve, we will pursue them tirelessly with the unconditional love and grace of God.
We will let them know that they literally CAN NOT run away from our love or the love of God.
Dag, I have so much more to say, but that's some of what I was thinking about this morning.
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