The clock tells me it's three AM, I'm lying on my twin size bed, thinking about how I got here. Was it by chance? Or could there possibly be something, or someone, guiding my path?
Whether I'm feeding Tyson at in the middle of the night, or if I'm making up another breakfast, lunch or dinner for Aiden, it always seems like I am busy. Will this ever end?
I'm not complaining. I am actually very happy with my situation. It has been a lot worse. I should be dead right now. If not dead, I should be locked up or being beat right now. Why was I saved from that path?
Born on June 5th, 1992, I was just seven pounds and eight ounces. No complications in the pregnancy, and the labor and birth had gone well. It seemed I was a typical baby girl in the arms of her birth parents. Life probably seemed normal and at peace.
I'm not sure about everything that happened, but when I was three months old, Children's Aid decided that my situation was "not ideal." I was taken to my first foster home, but soon after I was sent back to live with my biological parents. I continued living there until I was eight months old when CAS decided, again, that my situation wasn't stable. I have been told that I was left alone at home with a sister barely older than me while my mother was driving drunk. She got into a crash and the police were sent to my house where they found me.
My biological father had not been around for some time, as his wife and kids had just moved to Canada and wanted nothing to do with me. This meant that I would have to stay in CAS. This is whe I was welcomed in with open arms by the Olthoff family. This placement was only suppose to be temporary, but turned longer than expected.
By the time I was four, my mother was a full-blown alcoholic and the chances of my sister and I returning to live with her were next to nothing. I hadn't heard from my dad for three years, and no one had any idea where he even was. This meant that I had to be turned into a "Crown Ward," which meant that CAS was my legal guardian.
That didn't matter to me, because I was still living with the Olthoff's and they treated me like I was their own daughter. I was enrolled in public school for JK and I did fairly well. When I turned five, they sent me, like their own children, to a private christian grade school. I always felt different from the other kids, but I knew that everyone accepted me and that the Olthoff's (whom I now called mom and dad) loved me.
Throughout grade school I was a straight A student with many friends. I was happy. I was a typical little girl who attended church every Sunday, went to school, and even played extracurricular sports inside and outside of school.
Then grade seven came. My foster parents, Ben and Florence, started to realize that I wasn't as happy as I had once been. My biological mother stopped all contact with me and I hadn't heard from her in many years. I started to become more isolated from the world and I was soon seeing a counsellor. The sessions kept going on, but I didn't seem to be getting any happier. By the end of grade seven I started to cut and I was sent to the children's hospital to be monitored in the psyche ward. I was put on medication for depression and was recommended to attend a day treatment program for adolescents. So I went to school at that treatment centre and talked to counselors every day. The centre helped me out in a lot of ways, but I still continued to self injure.
At that time I was assigned to a new social worker from CAS. She thought it was best if I was sent to a group home so they could handle and deal with my depression. The Olthoffs were okay with this, and so was I. We hadn't been getting along very well and they could no longer deal with my outbursts of cutting and suicidal tendencies. This decision, in hindsight, was the biggest mistake ever as I was soon spiraling down a long black hole with what seemed to be no way out.
Throughout the next couple of years, I was sent from group home to group home. I experimented with drugs of all sorts, smoking, drinking and sex. I wouldn't listen to any one. I thought that this was normal because everyone that I kept on meeting did the same things as I was doing.
Eventually I was sent to rehab. A 32 year old man had been supplying me with terrible drugs. But I took off from there, and returned to another group home. In this new home there were many drugs and lost girls. We mostly got along, but supported each other in our bad habits.
Let me mention that during this whole time, the Olthoffs never gave up on me. I still went on “home visits,” to their house, but I just kept on pushing them away.
They say that when you play with fire, you will get burned. I soon realized this to be true. In February 2008, I found out that I was pregnant. To every ones surprise, even mine, I quit every bad thing I was doing cold turkey in order to have a healthy baby. I was moved to a home called Bethesda and I continued to live there, sober, until my son was born.
My foster family supported me throughout the entire pregnancy and my relationship with them was starting to grow back. After Aiden Mateo Perez was born on October 5th, 2008, I moved back with the Olthoff's.
They supported me in taking care of my son in every way possible. I continued schooling at Regina Mundi Catholic College. The first semester I hung out with the “rough crowd,” and I soon found myself in an abusive relationship. My mom and dad never gave up on me, nor did the rest of the family. They helped me report the situations to the police and I was finally free.
Then, this past August, I found out that I was expecting again with my new, supportive boyfriend. At first I wasn't sure if I wanted to go through with the pregnancy so I contemplated abortion. The day before the appointment for the procedure came very fast and I really wasn't sure what to do. I prayed to God to give me guidance as to what to do. That very night I had a dream where I had gotten an abortion, but after the abortion was over, I fell right down that black hole again. When I awoke I knew that I had gotten the answer to my prayer. Whether I was okay with it or not, God really wanted this child to be born, so I listened. This time I knew I really had to smarten up and turn my life around. I continued school, and this time I actually went to all of my classes. I tried, really hard, to do well. Although I was a full-time mom, dealing with all of the stress of being pregnant again, I managed to successfully complete my courses and I even obtained a ninety in my university chemistry class and tourism and traveling class.
I want to tell you what finally proved to me that Christ does exist. At the beginning of my second pregnancy I was having many medical problems. They were becoming unbearable, but my appointment with a specialist was three months away. I prayed to God to some how get me into the clinic sooner. To my great surprise, I soon received a phone call telling me that my appoint was to be in a month. I was overjoyed. But the symptoms were still worsening and I would cry much of the time. It was a day or two later that I called a second time. The receptionist gave me an appointment for the next day. The second I got off the phone I prayed to God a long needed grateful prayer for how much he cared for me.
Now, at night, I hear the sweet sounds that my son makes while he's sleeping. It makes me think of how lucky I am to experience so much, and such an unconditional love from both of my children. Although it gets hard sometimes and I feel like giving up, I pray and thank God every day of my life for saving me from the terrible things that could have, and should have happened to me. Even though I have believed in God since I was a little girl, I recently found my faith and it is becoming stronger with every day.
The way that I see how God helped me could be considered kind of odd to many people. Even though I was not obeying probably ten out of the ten commandments, he never gave up on me. He allowed me to experience the consequences all of the selfish things I was doing, but he never abandoned me. Yes, I have two babies, which wouldn't be ideal for most people my age, but God has saved my life through these two beautiful children.
I think that my situation proves how compassionate God really is, even to someone who at many times didn't really seem to care.
I continue to attend church on a weekly basis, and I find my strength growing stronger after ever sermon that George preaches. I pray every day that my children to grow up trusting in God, because he truly is a savior. No matter what happens, he will be there for them. I am grateful that God introduced me and my family to this church, as I believe that my children and I will be well supported and live Godly lives through Jesus Christs' family.
Right now I am working to complete my high school education and I will be graduating, hopefully, this coming January. After high school, I hope to attend UWO to start my education to become a Social Worker. My dream is to work at the Children's Aid Society so I can help children to stay healthy and try to encourage many of them not to go down the same route as I did.
I believe in God the Savior as he has never failed me once. He is my joy, and my rock. Now I would like to share one bible verse as well as a christian saying that have helped me throughout my life.
1 Peter 5:7 ~ Cast all of your cares on Him because He cares for you.
And,
God will never give you anything he doesn't think you can't handle.
Thank-you for listening to my story. May God bless you all.
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